The family of a woman who was mauled by a large chimpanzee is suing the monkey's owner for $250 million. That's bananas!"That's bananas." That, my friends, is the kind of punchline that only comes from twenty years of experience. My brain has blocked out the rest of this unnamed (to protect the dignity of his relatives) comedian's routine, but I shall attempt my version of it. I apologize for the poor quality, but I have only been a professional comedian for ten years.
Congressman Barney Frank thinks that banks that accepted TARP funds should be banned from giving out bonuses. His ideas are so gay!Your assignment: Imagine that you are an untalented douchebag. Write some two-liners based on the week's news. Befriend a radio talk host and share your gift with the dozens of people who listen to AM radio.
Hungary's premier is resigning. He must be full!
On The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, President Obama joked that his bowling skills would land him in the Special Olympics. That's neurofibro-hilarious!
China fired eight senior regulators for "slack supervision" during a tainted milked scandal that killed several children. They should have fired two more because with ten you get eggroll!
Actress Natasha Richardson has died of injuries sustained in a fall. Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O's!
Bindi Irwin is making her feature-length film debut in Free Willy 4. I should like to show her my willy!