Saturday, March 21, 2009

A Writing Exercise

This morning, while listening to a talk radio station, I had the delight of hearing a "comedian" with "twenty years of experience" tell two-liner jokes based on the week's news. This was his closer:
The family of a woman who was mauled by a large chimpanzee is suing the monkey's owner for $250 million. That's bananas!
"That's bananas." That, my friends, is the kind of punchline that only comes from twenty years of experience. My brain has blocked out the rest of this unnamed (to protect the dignity of his relatives) comedian's routine, but I shall attempt my version of it. I apologize for the poor quality, but I have only been a professional comedian for ten years.
Congressman Barney Frank thinks that banks that accepted TARP funds should be banned from giving out bonuses. His ideas are so gay!

Hungary's premier is resigning. He must be full!

On The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, President Obama joked that his bowling skills would land him in the Special Olympics. That's neurofibro-hilarious!

China fired eight senior regulators for "slack supervision" during a tainted milked scandal that killed several children. They should have fired two more because with ten you get eggroll!

Actress Natasha Richardson has died of injuries sustained in a fall. Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O's!

Bindi Irwin is making her feature-length film debut in Free Willy 4. I should like to show her my willy!
Your assignment: Imagine that you are an untalented douchebag. Write some two-liners based on the week's news. Befriend a radio talk host and share your gift with the dozens of people who listen to AM radio.


Crump said...

I honestly can't tell if this blog entry is a bit or not. I really want to believe it is.

Joe Janes said...

I think you should submit those to the unnamed comedian. You could make a lot of bananas!