Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Controversy Strikes the RvD Blog!

Yesterday Nat addressed Evil Blogging and asked what kinds of evils could be committed here at rvdchicago.blogspot.com.

His question came one post too late. In the previous post, Michael Charles Nathaniel Whittaker Bauman, a fellow member of Robot vs. Dinosaur Chicago, committed evil against one of its members. Me.

It's a shame that we have to now air our dirty laundry on our blog in front of all our fans. Our fans want to believe that we're all best friends who laugh together and tell each other our deepest thoughts over weekly tea parties and sleepovers. And for the most part that's who we really are. But at the risk of shattering that image for our legion, I must protect my work and reveal that sometimes one of us does something malicious against another member of the group.

You may remember Mike's post. He purported to have written the greatest seen the world has ever scene. (Note to self, spellcheck this before posting.) And granted he posted what was surely ALMOST the greatest thing I've ever read.

HOWEVER. All he did was take one of my short plays, change a couple words, and sign his name to it. My original play is posted below. (Notice that I copyrighted this in 1982. When I was 5 years old!) You be the judge. Did Michael Bauman steal from me?

"Mr. Kindness and Mr. Peace Buy a Bottle of Camel Moonbeams", v1, 4/22/82
by Greg Wendling

(MR. KINDNESS and MR. PEACE are walking down the street.)

MR. KINDNESS
Mr. Peace?

MR. PEACE
Yes, Mr. Kindness?

MR. KINDNESS
I should like to buy a bottle of camel moonbeams.

MR. PEACE
Why should you like to buy a bottle of camel moonbeams?

MR. KINDNESS
Because, my dear Peace, I am making a pie.

MR. PEACE
Then let's enter this fine establishment.

(MR. PEACE points at a window that reads "Roberto Joyfulness's House of Camel Moonbeams." They enter the store. ROBERTO stands behind a counter.)

ROBERTO
Greetings! Welcome to The House of Camel Moonbeams. I am Roberto Joyfulness.

MR. KINDNESS
Greetings to you. I am Kindness. This is my associate, Peace.

ROBERTO
How may I help you?

MR. KINDNESS
I require a bottle of camel moonbeams.

ROBERTO
What size, sir?

MR. KINDNESS
I did not know that there were different sizes. What do you recommend?

ROBERTO
That depends upon your purpose.

MR. KINDNESS
I am making a pie.

ROBERTO
For how many persons?

MR. KINDNESS
Just my mother and I.

ROBERTO
Then I recommend the small bottle of camel moonbeams.

MR. KINDNESS
Then one small bottle of camel moonbeams I shall buy.

ROBERTO
That will be 25 cents, please.

MR. KINDNESS
Here you are, my good man. One shiny quarter.

ROBERTO
And here is your small bottle of camel moonbeams.

MR. KINDNESS
Thank you. Have a good day.

ROBERTO
And a good day to you, sir.

(MR. KINDNESS exits. A minute passes.)

ROBERTO
(to MR. PEACE) May I help you?

MR. PEACE
I should like to show you my willy.

ROBERTO
Thank you, sir.

The End.

Comparing the scenes side-by-side, you can see that all Bauman did was contemporize some of the language to make it more appealing to 21st century readers. And for some reason he changed my "Roberto" character to "Cornelius." An improvement?! I think not.

This play was based on an actual incident in my life. Now Bauman is claiming my story as his own.

In summary, Mike Bauman is pure red evil.

2 comments:

Enya's Assassin said...

I'm just excited that your shitty blog devoted two posts to what is essentially the shittiest "seen" ever written.

I much prefer the finer works of Chris Othic on this blog.

I also think the real test of who wrote the scene would be for each of you to post the recipes for Camel Cum Pie and Camel Moonbeam Pie and let us decide which is the most authentic. You should both post at EXACTLY 3:07 CST so as to insure you do not plagiarize each other.

Nat Topping said...

Very interesting. Quick question, though: when you write "our fans" do you mean "the writers, who are probably the only ones who actually check this blog?"

Just curious.

P.S. My WV for this post is "reteds." Have fun with that.