His question came one post too late. In the previous post, Michael Charles Nathaniel Whittaker Bauman, a fellow member of Robot vs. Dinosaur Chicago, committed evil against one of its members. Me.
It's a shame that we have to now air our dirty laundry on our blog in front of all our fans. Our fans want to believe that we're all best friends who laugh together and tell each other our deepest thoughts over weekly tea parties and sleepovers. And for the most part that's who we really are. But at the risk of shattering that image for our legion, I must protect my work and reveal that sometimes one of us does something malicious against another member of the group.
You may remember Mike's post. He purported to have written the greatest seen the world has ever scene. (Note to self, spellcheck this before posting.) And granted he posted what was surely ALMOST the greatest thing I've ever read.
HOWEVER. All he did was take one of my short plays, change a couple words, and sign his name to it. My original play is posted below. (Notice that I copyrighted this in 1982. When I was 5 years old!) You be the judge. Did Michael Bauman steal from me?
"Mr. Kindness and Mr. Peace Buy a Bottle of Camel Moonbeams", v1, 4/22/82
by Greg Wendling
(MR. KINDNESS and MR. PEACE are walking down the street.)
MR. KINDNESSMr. Peace?
MR. PEACEYes, Mr. Kindness?
MR. KINDNESSI should like to buy a bottle of camel moonbeams.
MR. PEACEWhy should you like to buy a bottle of camel moonbeams?
MR. KINDNESSBecause, my dear Peace, I am making a pie.
MR. PEACEThen let's enter this fine establishment.
(MR. PEACE points at a window that reads "Roberto Joyfulness's House of Camel Moonbeams." They enter the store. ROBERTO stands behind a counter.)
Greetings! Welcome to The House of Camel Moonbeams. I am Roberto Joyfulness.
MR. KINDNESSGreetings to you. I am Kindness. This is my associate, Peace.
ROBERTOHow may I help you?
MR. KINDNESSI require a bottle of camel moonbeams.
ROBERTOWhat size, sir?
I did not know that there were different sizes. What do you recommend?
ROBERTOThat depends upon your purpose.
MR. KINDNESSI am making a pie.
ROBERTOFor how many persons?
MR. KINDNESSJust my mother and I.
ROBERTOThen I recommend the small bottle of camel moonbeams.
MR. KINDNESSThen one small bottle of camel moonbeams I shall buy.
ROBERTOThat will be 25 cents, please.
MR. KINDNESSHere you are, my good man. One shiny quarter.
ROBERTOAnd here is your small bottle of camel moonbeams.
MR. KINDNESSThank you. Have a good day.
ROBERTOAnd a good day to you, sir.
(MR. KINDNESS exits. A minute passes.)
ROBERTO(to MR. PEACE) May I help you?
MR. PEACEI should like to show you my willy.
ROBERTOThank you, sir.
Comparing the scenes side-by-side, you can see that all Bauman did was contemporize some of the language to make it more appealing to 21st century readers. And for some reason he changed my "Roberto" character to "Cornelius." An improvement?! I think not.
This play was based on an actual incident in my life. Now Bauman is claiming my story as his own.
In summary, Mike Bauman is pure red evil.