Sunday, March 29, 2009

Are you surprised by this? Really?

Because I'm not. I saw this coming from a mile away. If anything, it's long overdue. With that wonky eye and those speedy magician's hands, this guy was born to pick up hookers in South Beach. I imagine the exchange went something like this:

Hooker: One night. $2000.

ShamWow Guy: I have $1000, an embroidered polo and three ShamWows soaked with gin and bodily fluids.

Hooker: Deal.

SG: I'll meet you at the La Quinta. Room 342.

H: Bring your tongue. I'm hungry.

SG: Pardon?

H: I mean, bring your ShamWow. I plan on spilling a lot of wine/coffee/cola/pet stains on the carpet.

(20 minutes later)

H: Let's kiss.

SG: Ow my tongue. (Punch)

And scene.

The Germans may make great towels, but only Miami produces tongue-hungry hookers. Sorry, ShamWow guy, but you've officially fulfilled your destiny. It's all meth binges and SlapChop royalties from here on out.

1 comment:

Chris Othic said...

I heard a similar thing happened to Ron Popeil. A hooker bit him on the ear and he beat her with a pocket fisherman.