The Greatest Sketch Ever Written

I've done it! I have written the finest sketch any writer ever wroted! Ladies and Gentleman, I present "Mr. Fuck and Mr. Shit Buy a Bottle of Camel Cum."


(MR. FUCK and MR. SHIT are walking down the street.)

MR. FUCK

Mr. Shit?

MR. SHIT

Yes, Mr. Fuck?

MR. FUCK

I should like to buy a bottle of camel cum.

MR. SHIT

Why should you like to buy a bottle of camel cum?

MR. FUCK

Because, my dear Shit, I am making a pie.

MR. SHIT

Then let's enter this fine establishment.

(MR. SHIT points at a window that reads "Cornelius Assexplosion's House of Camel Cum." They enter the store. CORNELIUS stands behind a counter.)

CORNELIUS

Greetings! Welcome to The House of Camel Cum. I am Cornelius Assexplosion.

MR. FUCK

Greetings to you. I am Fuck. This is my associate, Shit.

CORNELIUS

How may I help you?

MR. FUCK

I require a bottle of camel cum.

CORNELIUS

What size, sir?

MR. FUCK

I did not know that there were different sizes. What do you recommend?

CORNELIUS

That depends upon your purpose.

MR. FUCK

I am making a pie.

CORNELIUS

For how many persons?

MR. FUCK

Just my mother and I.

CORNELIUS

Then I recommend the small bottle of camel cum.

MR. FUCK

Then one small bottle of camel cum I shall buy.

CORNELIUS

That will be 25 cents, please.

MR. FUCK

Here you are, my good man. One shiny quarter.

CORNELIUS

And here is your small bottle of camel cum.

MR. FUCK

Thank you. Have a good day.

CORNELIUS

And a good day to you, sir.

(MR. FUCK exits. A minute passes.)

CORNELIUS

(to MR. SHIT) May I help you?

MR. SHIT

I should like to show you my willy.

CORNELIUS

Thank you, sir.

The End.