Here is the greatest scene ever written, as documented by Guinness, Nobel and Pulitzer.*
"Waiter Scene No. 6, Op. 68, F Major, “Pastoral”
also known as
"Recollections of a Country Life"
Written By Joe Janes
(Lights up on a mustachioed fellow sipping soup at an outdoor cafe. He notices something in his next spoonful and dumps the contents back into the bowl with malcontent flourish. He beckons the waiter.)WAITERWaiter!
(Phillipe, 50s, a career waiter who is tall, thin and generously nosed, approaches the table. He wears a tuxedo and has a red cloth draped over his extended forearm.)PHILLIPEYes?WAITERWhat is this fly doing in my soup?PHILLIPEFuck you.
(A bird tweets. A lonely dog barks in the distance. A gunshot is heard. A man, unseen, coughs while commuting to work on a train, also unseen. Lights s-l-o-w-l-y fade.)
* Craig Guinness, Phil Nobel and Potsie Pulitzer