Thursday, April 29, 2010

A gift for the broken-hearted

In American culture, we recognize many of life’s milestones with gifts: a first-time father is often presented with a cigar, kitchen appliances/decor for the recently betrothed, a lap-top for the high school graduate. But perhaps we’re missing out on an important group of people who need gifts. Why give gifts to those who already feel that the world is their oyster when there are needy people suffering?

(Warning: this post is not about the homeless, starving children in Africa, etc.)

I got dumped last week and at the time I most desperately needed gifts, there were none.  But in my family and friend’s defense, what do you get someone who has been “kicked to the curb”? Sure you can take a friend out to dinner or a drink, but what they really need is a gift, some physical sign of affection that says, “Don’t cut yourself. I still like you.”

But I discovered the perfect gift (ironically while refilling my prescription for birth control) at my local Walgreens! I present to you the latest and greatest post-relationship award of survival and encouragement: The Rally Monkey! 

If you know anything about major league baseball, you know the Rally Monkey is the Los Angeles Angels (of Anaheim) symbol of a come-back. It got started in 2000, when the Angels were trailing vs. the Giants in the bottom of the ninth. Two video board operators took a clip of the monkey from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and superimposed the words “RALLY MONKEY!” on top of it. Go figure, the Angels went on to win the game and the Rally Monkey was lauded as the team’s saving grace. Now fans bring their own stuffed rally monkeys to the game in the event their powers are needed.

Is there a loser in your life who is striking out in the game of love? Help get your friend back in the ballgame with their very own Relationship Rally Monkey and remind them: just because you’re down, doesn’t mean you’re out. Pick one up today and celebrate your comeback to the dating world!

Purchase your friend a Rally Monkey by clicking here.



Chris Othic said...

I just ordered 2500 hundred "Get Back in the Game Susie!" thundersticks for you. We will pay for them out of the RvD budget.

Crump said...

Oh Susie, that is terrible news. I can assure you that the guys of RvD will be there to fill your void with dick... jokes.

Nat Topping said...

When I get down and out, I turn to those people who have a theory about magic and miracles.

That's right, friends. It's Insane Clown Posse.

Crump said...

At one point they claim that music is a miracle because you can't even hold it. I guess they don't count CDS, records, cassettes, sheet music, and so on. Or maybe I'm just not getting it