Friday, June 5, 2009

Do I Stink?

Ever find yourself in a situation where the BO you're smelling is ethereal enough that you can't quite find it's source? Even those of us who are on a daily shower schedule are not outside of BO's sticky reaches. The shirt that sits in the washer a couple hours too long before being put in the drier is an unforgiving beast. The quick jog to the post office and back to your desk can be enough to overrun the blockade of antiperspirant you've plastered in your "hot zone."

When in this situation, bad as the smell may be, I must sniff out its source before I can relax, secure in the knowledge it's not me. There's also the fear that, whether guilty or not, the people on either side of me are already passing judgment on me, while the real culprit is out there, allowed to run free, and likewise frame other such diligent washers as myself.

Well, I happily declare myself sinless at last night's performance of Tom Stoppard's "Rock 'n' Roll" at the Goodman. When the lights came up at intermission, I could clearly see the exposed, inflated, reddened, shimmering right foot of the woman to my left. I smelled it all through the second act, too; but oh, how relieved I was to not be at fault.

I didn't really enjoy the play.


Chris Othic said...


Reminds me of a great Gabe Garza story I would love to share at our next writer's meeting.

We should do a Gabe Garza inspired show.

Gamer18548 said...

You forgot the 'laugh fart,' which I have done a few times. This occurs when you laugh so hard you release an audible fart. Fortunately, the sound can be covered with a well-placed cough or a thinking noise that resembles the sound you just made. Nay, the real problem is the temporary cloud of BO around you. Unlike normal BO, this scent does dissipate, but it's hard to hide your "sinfulness", as it were.

There's also the 8/9pm BO, which is just a day's worth of worry, stress and coffee expressed through stench. If you haven't been home since 7:30am, this BO Best Bud will hang with you, have that beer with you, and be your wingman when you meet that girl, until you call it a night.

Lastly, I was driving yesterday with my window down and smelt homeless BO. There was ne'er a house-less person around AND I was driving, so I had a horrible thought: "What if I smell homeless? What if I ALWAYS smell like this? How would I know?" I quickly rolled up my window to let my car freshener do what it could, but the question lingered. Just like the scent.

PS - If any homeless folks were offended by this stereotype, my bad. Homelessness is a serious issue and not all those without homes have an odor. But those that do typically smell the same.