Chris Othic’s Very Short Interview With Megan Fox

(Megan, looking really, really hot, sits down in an undisclosed location to talk with RvD’s own Chris Othic to promote her new movie, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Below is a transcript of the interview.)

Megan Fox: Hi.

Chris Othic: Hi, Megan. Is it Mee-gan or May-gan?

MF: May-gan.

CO: I work with this girl and she’s a Mee-gan. She’s also a Vee-gan.

MF: Really?

CO: No. I was just trying to be funny. You know, with rhymes.

MF: It wasn’t really very funny . . .

CO: My writer friends say that a lot. I also had a joke about a “pea gun” but--

MF: Please, don’t. Why are you wearing duct tape on your crotch?

CO: My wife made me. So we wouldn’t have sex.

MF: She thought I would try to have sex with you?

CO: It’s actually for your protection.

MF: Oh.

CO: Selma Hayek wasn’t so lucky . . .

(Awkward pause)

CO: Actually, it was just a waitress in a Mexican restaurant but she looked a lot like Selma Hayek . . .

(A lengthier awkward pause)

CO: I think our waiter kind of looks like Clay Aiken, don’t you?

(A super lengthy awkward pause)

CO: So, uh, Transformers 2.

MF: Yeah, you know, I’m so over the whole promoting the giant robot movie.

CO: Too bad. I had a joke all ready.

MF: That’s unfortunate.

CO: Okay, it wasn’t all worked out but it was supposed to be something about you “transforming” the shape of penises across America.

MF: Huh? That’s gross!

CO: You know, like how the robots change shape only it would be penises that were changing shape.

MF: I get it. I get it.

CO: Revenge of the Fallen--that could be a penis reference, too. I could do a whole act, I bet.

(She makes a face. Then awkward silence)

CO: Like, the word trans-boners. I have some more--

MF: Who are you with, again?

CO: The Robot vs. Dinosaur blog.

MF: You guys are a movie blog?

CO: No, comedy writing.

MF: Are you sure? You’re not very funny.

CO: (feigning hurt) Zing! You zinged me, Mee-gan.

MF: It wasn’t a zing, it’s tr--

CO: I just zinged you there. You didn’t notice. I called you by the wrong name. Mee-gan.

(Silence)

CO: You’re “skexy.”

MF: What?

CO: It’s a word I made up.

MF: What does that mean?

CO: You’re one of those women who are scary and sexy.

MF: I’m scary?

CO: But also sexy. It’s a compliment.

MF: But, scary?

CO: Not scary like the little girl in The Ring, scary. Scary like, if we had sex, you might eat me when we were through. Not that I wouldn’t be into that, if, you know . . .

(Sounds of tugging at duct tape)

MF: That’s--you’re kind of freaking me out here.

CO: Just give me a minute, here.

(More tugging)

MF: Look, I better go now.

CO: Wait, check this out, I made up this picture of your body with a praying mantis’s head.

(He shows her the picture while still tugging at the duct tape)

MF: Um, that’s--

(She frantically starts looking for her publicist)

CO: And here’s one where you are making out with yourself in the mirror and you have a tattoo of my face on your back.

MF: Um, I gotta go.

(She starts to leave.)

CO: And then here we have Clay Aiken’s head on your body. This one is extra skexy.

(She’s running now.)

CO: That would look even skexier with my face tattoo on it.

(She’s gone.) (Pause)

CO: Hey, waiter . . .