Okay, I’ve been on vacation, so no time for a big blog entry, but I would like to quickly tell you my favorite joke of all time, from memory:
So one day there are three little people (I used to say “midgets” but that is no longer PC) sitting on a fence, because, why not? So they are sitting on the fence and the first little guy looks at his hands and as he’s holding them out in front of him says “Wow, I’ve got some pretty small hands. I bet they are the smallest hands in the world.” The other little fellas just nod in agreement and go back to sitting on the fence, deep in thoughts that little people might think.
After a short bit, the second little dude sticks his feet out and proclaims, “You know, I’ve got some pretty small feet. I bet they are the smallest feet in the world.” The other little men just nod in agreement and go back to sitting on the fence, dreaming their dreams of being such tiny people in an utterly big world.
After a much longer moment of silence, the third little guy clears his throat and says, a bit embarrassed, “I kind of hate to say it, but my penis is incredibly tiny. I mean, a baby hamster probably has a bigger penis than mine. It’s quite possible that I have the smallest penis in the world.” The other two guys don’t really respond, because honestly, what would you say if someone told you they had the smallest donk on the planet? But eventually, the first little guy, the one with the tiny hands, he says, “You know what? I think we ought to make this official. Let’s go down to the Guinness Book of World Records office and have them check us out and see if we have the world records.” The other two munchkin men agree and they all climb down off the fence and head down to the Guinness Book of World Records office.
Once they are there, the first Shorty McShorterson goes in. After just a few minutes, he comes out, a smile beaming across his face, triumphantly holding his doll-sized hands out in front of him and exclaims “It’s official! Check it out! Right here are the tiniest hands in the world!” The other two itty-bitty buddies congratulate him and then the little guy with the little feet heads into the Guinness Book of World Records office.
After just a few minutes he comes back out, smiling proudly, dancing on his diminutive feet and proclaims “It’s official! Check it out! Right here are the tiniest feet in the world!” The other two pint-sized chaps congratulate him and then, after a moment to gather a small amount of courage, the pee wee with the wee pee slowly marches into the Guinness Book of World Records office.
An hour later and he still has not returned. Then two hours go by, no sight of him. Finally, after five hours, the short-penis fellow comes storming out of the Guinness Book of World Records office, an angry look on his little face, grimacing and gnashing his tiny teeth and generally just being as angry as his puny body can handle until he can no longer take it and blurts out “Who in the hell is Joe Janes?”
Or maybe he yelled out “Who in the hell is Geoff Crump?”
Or possibly he yelled out “Who in the hell is Mike Bauman?”
But most likely he yelled out “Who in the hell is Greg Wendling?”
He probably did not yell out “Who in the hell is Nat Topping?” because we all know the urban legends about Nat.
And he most likely didn’t yell out “Who in the hell is Catherine Monahan?” because she has no penis, as far as we know.