Saturday, May 9, 2009

Hey, Oprah Winfrey, give me my chicken!

Oprah Winfrey helped KFC launch its new grilled chicken on her television show by announcing that a coupon for a free meal was available on her website. Millions of people downloaded the special software needed to access the coupon. The lucky ones for whom it the program worked then printed the coupon and dreamed the dreams that only carnivores dream.
Those chicken-filled dreams soon turned into nightmares when the coupon holders arrived at their neighborhood KFC restaurants. Some met with long lines, others with surly employees who refused to take the coupon. Many didn't even get in the door, instead being greeted by signs disavowing the two-week promotion (one store in Chicago had a sign declaring the location closed for a two-week vacation).
Several things may have been at play here:
  • KFC underestimated the demand and short-stocked the stores.
  • Franchisees were not sufficiently informed of the promotion.
  • Overwhelmed staff broke under the pressure.
  • Customers (a word derived from the Latin verb meaning "to act like a dickhead") abused the system.
Whatever the reason, one thing is very clear: everybody's blaming Oprah. Comments on blogs and new websites ask, "how could Oprah do this to her loyal viewers?" One woman even managed to blame Oprah and President Obama (complaining that the two big O's are only interested in feeding Africans). Blaming Oprah makes as much sense as blaming Edward Gibbon for the fall of the Roman Empire. Thankfully, the Bill of Rights grants Americans freedom from logic.

Also this week, President Obama and Vice President Biden stopped off at Ray's Hell Burger in Arlington, Virginia. The President ordered a cheeseburger with mustard. Mustard. Mr. President, real Americans eat ketchup! What kind of example are you setting for our children by skipping this tasty, liquid vegetable? For shame! Rush Limbaugh drinks a bottle of ketchup every morning for breakfast.
To make matters worse, he asked for Dijon mustard. You are the President of the United States, not France. Go back to Russia, you fascist commie racist!

No comments: