Maybe I Should Just Wear Sandals

I have recently been having a real issue with keeping black socks together. Seriously. Over the last few weeks, I must have spent a good ten percent of my life looking for a matching black sock that is never found. That is time that could be spent in better pursuits such as getting to work on time or not looking for a matching black sock.

I have to say that I own probably ten to twelve pairs of black socks, of about ten to twelve different styles, and currently I only have a match for maybe three pairs. It’s very frustrating. If I ran a dating reality show for socks it would have the same success rate for keeping them together as “The Bachelor.”

Apparently I'm not the only one who is afflicted with this issue.

I try to have good sock discipline, but somehow the mates do not stay together. I have compiled a list of possible reasons for a black sock to go missing:

1. Frequent blackouts in which I do not remember removing one black sock and leaving it on the CTA

2. Neighbor stealing them, rolling them up and using them to enhance bulge in pants

3. Older version of myself travelling back in time and taking one black sock for reason that will be explained in series finale of "Lost"

4. Wife getting back at me for something I am unaware of by hiding one black sock as psychological warfare

That’s as far as I got in the list, but I’m pretty sure it has to be one of those reasons.

I have considered amputation as an option to put an end to this problem. Wearing only brown or khaki pants would be another.

Anyway, if you see a lone black sock hanging around, it is probably mine. If it’s navy blue, that will work also because my other problem with black socks is that I can never tell them apart from navy blue socks, even in direct sunlight.