Thursday, February 5, 2009

Forcing Importance on the Grossly Unimportant

There have been two stories flying around recently that both have me really fighting the urge to just go running off to some secluded forest area of Montana, never to be heard from again. The first one is about the allegedly "fat" Jessica Simpson after she performed a concert looking like this:
Let me start off by saying that I never really found Jessica Simpson attractive, partly because of her music but mostly because of the way her mouth moves and slacks around when she talks. It's like her bottom jaw is desperately trying to detach itself from her head.

I haven't been able to watch tabloid news in years because it always makes me so angry that I literally start yelling at the TV. Normally when I see Entertainment Tonight or Inside Edition (or any show like it) about to come on there is a sudden, frantic rush to grab the remote control and change the channel as fast as possible.

I don't necessarily have a huge problem with gossip per se, or celebrity news in general. Entertainment comes on all levels, and I'm as interested in a story about Garry Marshall allegedly mushroom stamping Candice Bergman on the set of Murphy Brown as much as the next human (oh how I wish it were true). What really makes me scream is the importance that gets placed on stories like this.

So I'm in my chez lounge and I see on the TV that Entertainment Tonight is about to start. I go into super-human channel change mode, but before I can complete the channel change my wife says something like "Oh yeah. You have to see this. It's really important". Her sarcasm was so thick I had no choice but to watch. Mary Hart launches into the lead story - "What is wrong with Jessica Simpson? Is she in trouble? How is she coping with this weight gain? Her friends are so concerned. Blah blah blah blah blah blah fat. Let's see what these B and C list celebrities have to say about it". All the while there is dramatic music playing on the background as they flash various photos on the screen of Jessica Simpson. You would have thought the Pope shot the President. Luckily the vast majority of celebrities that were asked about it basically said "who cares". It makes me want to become a celebrity just so I can slap an interviewer if they ever asked me about something like that. The amount of emphasis and concern that was allotted to this story, not only by Entertainment Tonight, was very truly disgusting. For instance:

Nice job US Weekly. If you want to call Jessica Simpson fat, fine. If you want to mention that she is struggling with weight, whatever. But it is not and should not be front page headline news in any publication or on any television show - not even on tabloid news.

The second story is the buzz surrounding this:

Now this, I admit, is a bit more shocking then Jessica Simpson and her ass. He is a major athlete that represents the United States and can be considered a legitimate role model. But does it really have to come to this -

I don't understand why people are still so afraid of pot. And it's not like Michael Phelps smokes it all day, every day (it kind of harshes the lung capacity a swimmer needs). Nor is Michael Phelps a drug trafficker. He was at a party, took a hit, and had some fun. No big deal. The person I really can't stand in this scenario, even more then those who want to press charges against Michael Phelps, is the ass hat that took the photo and the douche chill person/people who distributed it in the first place. What was the point jerkwad? I doubt the photographer got any money for it; at least not enough for it to be worth damaging one of our greatest athlete's careers.

Frankly I think Phelps was way to eager to admit and apologize for the photo. First off - I don't think the picture looks very much like him. So he could have argued that it wasn't him. There is also the fact that you can smoke perfectly legal tobacco from a bong. Why does everyone just assume it's marijuana? And there is no smoke in the chamber is this picture, so was he really taking a hit?. He could have said he was just posing with it as a goof. And you can't see any key on the supposed bong either, so maybe it isn't a bong at all. Maybe it's a mini didgeridoo. Crisis averted.

And if it was really pot, should we really be that surprised?

I'll try to write about something that doesn't fill me with hate next week. I promise.

No comments: