Saturday, July 11, 2009
Getting Behind the Mooners
Today is one of the most important days of the year: the annual Mooning of Amtrak in Laguna Niguel, California. In 1979, a patron at the Mugs Away Saloon offered to buy a drink for anyone who mooned an Amtrak train passing on the nearby tracks. One guy took him up on the offer. Last year, nearly 10,000 people dropped in to drop trou.
But now, the new mayor of Laguna Niguel, Robert Ming, wants the train teasers to stay away. The city's website is telling potential ass-tronauts to give this year's party a pass. The mayor, described to the Wall Street Journal by one mooner as “a stuffy yuppie,” feels that the glut(e) of anal-ual revelers is bad for business, traffic, and safety.
The gathering blocked access to several businesses and cost the city over $20,000 for law enforcement last year. Volunteers cleaned up afterward. “You should see this shithole after 10,000 people have crammed into it,” said local proctologist Fanny McTooshie. “Alimentary, my dear Watson,” remarked Sherlock Holmes. "Perhaps he had a posterior motive. That's why it tuchus a long time to tail him. Brownie maker."
Um, I seem to have gone off the rail, as it were. Anyway, I am asking you to keep the tradition alive. Even if you have to bum a ride and sneak into town from the rear, don't let this year's be a rump festival. Baring one's hindquarters is a fundament-al right. Let's change the mayor's mind and stop this from being a brown eye on the pride of Laguna Niguel. Mayors give keister the city. Sorry.
Buttocks. Now I'm done.