Friday, July 17, 2009

Choosing words wisely

I was on the ol' craigslist and found this job post:

"2nd Shooter Needed for Wedding on Sept 19"

I assume they are looking for a second photographer (aka shooter) for the wedding, but frankly I am to scared to click on the post as I half expect to see something like:

Jilted lover looking for a second shooter to back me up at my bitch-face cunt ex-girlfriends upcoming wedding. God, I love her so much! How could she betray me like this?! If I can't have her, NO ONE CAN! I decided the only way we will ever get to be together is in the sweet arms of death. I need a second shooter to ensure that the job gets done properly, as I will probably by in such a tear-ridden rage that I may very well miss the shot. You must be comfortable with heights and confined spaces as you'll be perched in a church bell tower for at least 10 to 12 hours. FUCK YOU SHONDA! NO ONE LOVES YOU LIKE I DO!

I will need tested proof of your shooting ability. Ex-army or marine preferred. Timing and preciseness is absolutely necessary as we need to get the groom first so I can see that fucker go down, then my ex Shonda that BITCH, and then you shoot me as I don't believe in suicide. The second part of the deal involves you stealing mine and Shonda's corpses and burying them together in a pre-dug grave. We'll get more into those details as well as payment arrangements when we meet. Serious inquires only. No cops.


Chris Othic said...


You should answer this ad and tell them you can bring your own rifle. I'm happy to provide a reference.

Or maybe the One Source Talent folks should consider sending Igor P on this mission.

Nat Topping said...

Jesus, Crump, if you don't want to help me out then just don't answer the ad. You don't need to air my dirty laundry all over this blog.