Friday, March 26, 2010

To be young again

If you're not friends with any 13-year olds  on Facebook, you're really missing out.

Thanks to my younger cousin, I'm privy to all the fun things pre-teens use Facebook for. Although I've enjoyed the awkward pictures of her recent Valentine's Day Dance (where you could see the visible separation of the boys and the girls - really happy to see this is still happening), the posts that ALL begins with "ha ha" and end in "lol", and status updates that clearly show the writer has not mastered the distinction between "meat" vs. "meet", it's all too within reason of what I'm using already using Facebook for. However, there are a few uses  that are new and novel that have opened up my eyes to what I'm missing out on at age 26.

The first cool thing you're missing out on if you're not 13 is FAN PAGES. No, not becoming a  fan of your favorite movie star, TV show, or restaurant. Those are for losers who want to stay "up to date" on what's happening. Booorrring! Instead, you could be using fan pages to connect with people who share the same views, interests and frustrations - exactly what people of all ages need! Just to give you an example, here are a few real-life examples of fan pages (or should I say "cohort communities"?) my cousin has recently joined:

1. Anyone who was born in the 1990's and doesn't have a kid and isn't pregnant  (792,892 total fans)
2. When I die, I give my friends permission to change my status to "Is Dead"  (861,736 total fans)
3. Sucking a cup to your face and then panicking cause it won't come off  (1,249 total fans)
4. When boys do that cute half smile  (359,22 total fans)
5. I hate pausing YouTube videos and waiting for them to load  (73,255 total fans)
6. Running with a backpack makes me feel like a retard  (391,642 total fans)
7. When I get your text, I think of the way you would say it  (18,692 total fans)
8. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm just tired" The perfect excuse  (595,161 total fans)
9. Thinking there is an extra stair, and almost trip because you try to use it  (384,145 total fans)
10. Seeing someone your best friend hates and saying "There's your best friend!"  (1,086,240 total fans)
11. You're like 18, stop hitting on 13-year olds  (219,753 total fans)

The second cool thing you're missing out on it you're not 13 is ROMANCE ADVICE. Maybe you wouldn't be single right now if you joined the group "43 Things A Girl Wished Her Boyfriend Knew". Then you'd know "When she punches or hits you, grab her tight and don't let go".  Thanks,! 

The last cool thing you're missing out on it you're not 13 is... QUIZZES. If you're not taking quizzes, you're an idiot because these quizzes know everything, including your future. For example, my cousin now knows:
Quiz: What is your best feature (for girls)?
Result: Butt

Quiz: How will you die?
Result: War

Think of the application! Instead of going to the Afgan war like you planned, you can buy low rise jeans! Not only will you be alive, but you'll highlight your finest attributes and most likely find a date in a parking lot. And if you remember to punch him in the face, you're guaranteed a hug and "I do's" in a matter of months. 

Sorry this is the end of the post, but there is a life out there on Facebook that I need to be living. Click. Click. Join. Click. Ha ha click LOL. Click.


Crump said...

Chris Othis is a member of -

4. When boys do that cute half smile (359,22 total fans)

Chris Othic said...

Ha Ha! I want to be a member of When Geoff Crump does that cute half smile. LOL