Thursday, March 25, 2010


I ate my first Big Mac yesterday. First one ever. I was unimpressed. I'll take a Whopper over that anemic piece of salt-laden meat filler any day, time, and/or where. But it was the first one ever, so let this post be about firsts:

First time I ate a McDonald's Big Mac burger sandwich:

March 24, 2010

First movie I have some recollection of seeing in a movie theater:

E.T. - I would have been 4 or 5. I do believe it made me cry.

First movie I have some recollection of terrifying me:

E.T. - when the government steps in the terror begins.

First girl I kissed:

I think that would have been Pam Hayden, who was also my first official girlfriend. Sure I don't remember specifically how I felt or how or where it happened, but I assume we kissed. I vaguely remember this happening. Besides, I probably did kiss someone before that too. I was a super cute kid and I had an older sister, so I probably got kissed by cooty-head girls as a lark all the time.

First pet:

I guess this would be a tie. We had 2 dogs growing up, Charlie and Sandy. I don't know which dog was part of the family first because I only remember having both of them.

First pet I owned that wasn't a family pet nor some goldfish I won at a local carnival:

Commie, my Russian Tortoise.

First pet I owned and could honestly say is the cutest ever:


First time I ever ate chicken parmesan:

Don't remember the year - I was probably around 11 or 12 - but my family was visiting with my Uncle Joe and we went out to Ben's Big Boy (first time I ever went to a Big Boy too). I saw it on the menu. I ordered it, ate it, and fell in love. It's still one of my favorite foods of all time.

First nudity I saw in a movie:

This is a close one, but I think I saw Blue Lagoon before I saw Dragonslayer.

My first love:

I would say the first girl I ever said to myself, "I actually love this girl" would be Michelle Carpentar. Boy, was I way off on that one.

First time I smoked a cigarette:

It was at my grandpa's house. I was maybe around 12ish years old. There was a kid there - can't remember his name but he is probably a second cousin of mine or something like that. I've never been good with genealogy. He was a couple years older then me. We walked around my grandpa's land and the neighbor's land and threw rocks at cows. The kid took out a pack of smokes and gave one to me and I smoked it. I have a picture of this kid from that momentous day. P.S. Cigarettes do make you cool. They really do. It's a damn shame they kill you at the same time.

First time I went to a movie by myself:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze. That was in 1991 at the Olean Mall.

First time an odor brought me to tears:

Shoveling tons (yeah - literally tons) of rotten potatoes. I dare you to take just one potato (like a big russet baking potato), leave it in the sun, let it really rot, then take a big whiff, then multiply that by tons. Me and my friend Marty went as far as rubbing mint toothpaste directly under our nostrils to try and lessen the rotten potato smell just a little bit.

First concert I went to:

The first one I remember is Kenny Rogers. My and my family saw him at Melody Fair in North Tonawanda, NY.

First concert I went to without my family:

Aerosmith, on their Get a Grip tour.

First job:

Dishwasher at the Mansard Inn in Orchard Park, NY. I worked their Saturday afternoon and night. My dad has been a part-time bartender there since the place first opened (he still works their to this day). Orchard Park is about 40 to 45 minutes away from where I grew up. So me and Dad would drive out there around 3pm. He would bar tend, I would wash dishes. We would be done somewhere around midnight or so and head home, always stopping at a particular convenience store in East Aurora to get some snacks. Them was some good times.

First play I was in:

E.T. 2. It was an adaption of an E.T. book one of my fellow classmates had. I believe this was in third grade. I played the evil king. At the end of the play E.T. and her (yup, E.T. was a her) friends captured the evil king with a trap they had set up earlier in the play. Well less then halfway through the play, even before the scene where they set up the trap happens, there is a scene where the evil king is coming after E.T. and her friends. E.T. forgot her lines, paused, then said "Let's spring that trap on the king that we set up earlier in the castle". So they spring the trap, which was a net falling from the ceiling (not a real net mind you, we didn't have that type of budget), and I got captured. I guess this would also be my first experience with improv, since the moment was completely out of the blue and I simply went along with it and immediately began to mime being caught in a net.


First Jury Summons I ever received:

Right now. I just went to my mailbox and there was a jury summons in it. I cursed myself with this damn post (yes - the original post was written before I got the mail today)

First time I got tired of writing a blog about firsts and abruptly quit:


Susie G said...

Shouldn't the first nudity you saw on film also be E.T.?

Crump said...

Do you mean E.T. himself? He doesn't seem to have any genitals, so I don't count him. Or is there an outtake where a drugged up Drew Barrymore strips down? That's just sick. How could you even think of that Susie?

Chris Othic said...

ET was a girl.

And how do you go through life in America for 30 years and never eat a Big Mac. Commie the Turtle, indeed.

Nat Topping said...

I do not like Big Macs. The concept of 'special sauce' makes me leery. As a result, I've had approximately one Bic Mac my entire life.

That said, I would eat a sack of White Castle double cheeseburgers right now. And yes, I would be ashamed. But I would probably do it again within two months.