Wednesday, March 24, 2010

News Flash

Okay, I just put a load of coloreds* in the washer and realized that I put at least seven items in that had a Flash (superhero) symbol on them. I don't know what that says about me, but I like it.**

*Stop right there, mister: I always used the word "coloreds," when referring to my clothes, which I know is wrong. And by wrong I mean in usage, not in a racist sort of way because I am not racist and I do not use that term to describe people because I am not racist and I do not live in the 1950's. I'm not even sure I spelled it correctly, although most of the racists I know about are probably not the best at spelling, so maybe that proves nothing. Anyway, let me belabor the point here, but I am not a racist, even though I have always separated my clothes into "whites" and "coloreds."*** I suppose in the area of clothes washing I believe in segregation. And I also suppose that the more I type the more I sound like a racist, so I will just stop.

**This was all my original post was going to be. This one line demonstrating that I am basically a 40-year old nerd who has too many superhero T-Shirts (I'm wearing a Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) one right now) but then my use of the word "coloreds" hijacked my post. I would hope that my over reliance on superhero clothing might be yet one more piece of evidence that I am not a racist. I don't know how, I just hope that there is a strong connection between superhero values and the people who constantly wear superhero symbols on their shirts, hats, hoodies, and sleeping pants.

***I think the proper term is "colors" anyway and maybe I will try to stick to this term in the future.

3 comments:

Crump said...

Racist.

Zora Y. Woffey said...

It couldn't be more incredibly unfunny.

Laundry segregation is the most commonly performed non-obstetric household chore in the U.S. A piece of laundry is alienated every minute of every hour of every day.

The washing machine is a laundering organ that cleans the clothes of an individual who has both whites and colors. Women who experience uterine orgasm will not experience it with segregated laundry.

When the whites and colors are washed together women have a 3X greater incidence of cardiovascular disease. When the colors are segregated the incidence is 7X greater than it is in intact women.

Do you think that it would be merely "unfunny" if we were talking about the amputation of male sex organs and simply pasting pictures of brightly colored clothing among the farts? It would undoubtedly be unthinkable.

You could use humor in other ways to show that segregating clothes is damaging and that women are virtually never given the information required for informed consent. But this is more than unfunny, it makes light of a damaging laundry practice that has been done to 22 million living women.

If you ever want to work on a satirical play that conveys the horror of how closet clothing racism ruins lives I would gladly discuss and possibly collaborate with you. First go to http://www.whitesandcolorsinpeaceandharmonyforeveruntilthelastdaysoftheearthwhichhumanitywontevenbearoundforwhenitfinallygetsherebecausewewillhavealreadydiedfromhysterectomiesandfartlightingandclothingsegregationbythensotherefoundation.org and read the "Adverse Effects Data", watch the "Female Anatomy Video", and click on the blog to read what women say about how segregating clothing has affected their lives.

Let the buyer beware.

Zora Y. Woffey, WACIPAHFUTLDOTEWHWEBAFWIFGHBWWHADFHAFLACSBTST Foundation

Nat Topping said...

Ah running jokes. How I love thee.

Seriously, though, you're a racist.