I have a notebook. I have been using it to write down all of my ideas in. I wanted to look in it before this blog post. It has a grey cover. It is gone! Who took it! My ideas! My precious creative property rights! Right now someone could be out there writing an award winning sketch about Walter Mondale and a bag of mixed nuts. Wait! Forget I said that! My creative property rights!
So who has it? Where could it be? It didn't just sprout legs and walk away did it? Or did it? Has notebook technology come that far? I don't know, I don't watch news programs.
Hold on a second. We are at the part of every Major League movie where the new coach or manager meets the individual players only to find out that each player has some weird thing about them or some insane weakness. Yoga! Who ever heard of yoga you crazy minor league player? And that catcher throws terribly! Oh boy!
Where is my notebook? Here are theories:
Dark Matter took it:
This stuff is a mystery. Scientists believe that it exists regardless of the fact that there is no hardcore proof that is does. Oh scientists and your crazy theories. But it could exist, and due to it's horrifyingly mysterious nature it could have snuck up and yanked my notebook into a new dimension. But why would a substance that already apparently takes up every inch of space that isn't occupied already by something else need a notebook full of ideas? Still, I don't trust unproven crackpot scientific theories that are simply there to explain away a hundred other things science hasn't quite figured out yet so dark matter is still in the running.
Vladamir Putin took it:
This guy is just bad news all around. Looks evil, smells evil, must be evil. Plus Nat Topping has been all over this guy in the past and Nat is a trustworthy kind of guy. See this, and this, and this! Did you like the one that took you to Nat's blog that had a post leading you right back to RvD's blog? That's the evil and trickery of Putin in effect. One of his operatives could have easily nabbed my notebook, especially since the fine folks at Securitas Security Services won't send me the K-9 unit I sent for until I, get this, pay for it. For shame Securitas. Are you funded by Putin? That's for another blog to decide.
A Robot took it:
Closer and closer approaches the day where robots take over. It is just plain inevitable. 95% of all science fiction comes true in one way or another, and people been writing about robots taking over for a long time now. Robots are sinister and cold from their cold titanium exteriors right down to their internal hyper-process cooling systems. Guitar playing or not, they are coming for us and they demand information. Information such as a notebook full of ground breaking ideas for what will one day become moderately entertaining live productions. Plus I think future world dominating robots will survive on paper, which means the rain forest issues will never be resolved.
A dinosaur took it:
Chris Othic took it:
A fellow RvD writer; This guy has been after me ever since Robot vs. Dinosaur was formed. He constantly is trying to pick my brain for great ideas. While I appreciate that he didn't actually try to remove my brain in my sleep to get at the ideas, I don't appreciate his obvious thievery. Not only did he take my notebook to get at my ideas, but also to force me into doing a Chris Othic style blog post. As proof I submit this picture of a notebook,
this picture that came up when I searched Chris Othic in google images,
and this picture of Salma Hayek.
Very clever Mr. Othic, you sneaky S.O.B.