Monday, January 11, 2010

Green or Blue: What Would You Do?

Everyone is talking about Avatar these days (I haven't seen it yet!), and you have to hand it James Cameron: he figured out a way to make a blue alien female sort of sexy in a creepy way.

So of course this got me to thinking about sexy blue women, which in turn got me to thinking about sexy green women. Funny how my mind works. I even did a Google search for sexy women of various other colors, but it looks like green or blue is the way to go when it comes to thinking lurid thoughts about odd colored women.

So, in the interest of science (and by science I mean this blog), I have pitted some sexy blue women vs. some sexy green women, then polled myself on which I liked more. Here are the results:

Neytiri from Avatar


The Green Chick from the new Star Trek movie

WINNER: The Green Chick from the new Star Trek movie. If the truth must be told, green has nothing to do with it--I'm a sucker for the redheads. But she also has a great body, no tail, and I don't have to worry about her snapping me in two during sex.

On a side note: If this green girl went to my high school, I would have probably asked her to prom. I would have thought she was obtainable, for some reason, probably because she was green. I definitely would have asked her to prom ahead of the Jehovah's Witness girl that turned me down for "religions reasons" but then a year later went to prom with my best friend.

Mystique from the X-Men


The Green Chick from the old Star Trek series

WINNER: Mystique from the X-Men. Okay, maybe it's the red hair again. Or maybe it's the fact that I know that Rebecca Romijn is underneath all that makeup. But really it's the fact that I have had a bad track record in dealing with bra fasteners, and that doesn't look like it would be a problem when dealing with Mystique.

Another side note: If you were a green girl, wouldn't you avoid wearing a green dress? Imagine how striking you would be if you wore a white dress to go with your green skin. If I asked this green girl to a Christmas party (something I would not ask the Jehovah's Witness girl to, for religious reasons) I would expect her to wear red. And for Halloween I'm thinking she could wear orange and go as a slutty pumpkin. It would be a no brainer, right?




WINNER: She-Hulk. These are both cartoons, but still, are they any less real than the blue and green beauties above? I think not. I picked She-Hulk because she has much better abs than Smurfette (who is a bit of a muffin top, I hear) and because word on the street is she's also funny. And I'm also an ass man.

Side note: If you do a google image search for "sexy [insert color] woman," you get some weird stuff. The same is true if you do a search for any super heroine or female cartoon character. I saw some pictures of Smurfette that made me blush. There are some sick people out there. I wonder what happens when you do a search for "Sexy Jehovah's Witness Chick?" Well, here is what you get:
I'm sorry I asked.

Let's take an awkward pause . . .

Soooooooooo, it looks like it's Green Chicks over Blue Chicks, 2 to 1. But just to make sure, I had to conduct one more scientific test:

Salma Hayek Blue


Salma Hayek Green


Salma Hayek Red!

Actually, after doing some thorough research (i.e., looking at a bunch of pictures of Salma Hayek), it looks like Salma Hayek Blue is the true winner.

I don't know why my wife puts up with me.

1 comment:

Crump said...

Salma Hayek in clear.