Monday, January 25, 2010

To Whatever Asshole Invented Viruses That Appear to Be Anti-Virus Software:

To Whatever Asshole Invented Viruses That Appear to Be Anti-Virus Software:

Dear Asshole,

Is it wrong to actively pray for a complete stranger’s untimely and horrifyingly painful death? Is it wrong to ask the dear Lord, God of peace and love, to create an extra circle of hell to punish someone I’ve never met but through their dastardly life’s work with extreme and torturous activities to last through all of eternity? Is it wrong? I don’t know. I know that it’s wrong to make something appear like it wants to help you when in reality it wants to fuck up your computer.

I hope you are never able to sleep at night.

I hope if you ever have children that they grow up to be incredibly ugly and stupid.

I hope if you already have children that they were born with hooves, or will grow them once they hit puberty.

Do you think your parents, sitting together on a sofa, craddling an infant version of your foulness in their loving arms - with your whole rancidly putrid life ahead of you - ever dreamed that one day you would grow up and be not a doctor nor a lawyer but a jagoff parasitic fuckwit? Do you think they are proud of you now?

Die, asshole. Die a horrible death. And then, die again.

Sincerely yours,

-Nat Topping

P.S.: Fuck you.


Crump said...

That's what you get for trying to clean your hard drive of years and years of porn.

Nat Topping said...

But if I didn't get rid of the old porn then where will I find room for the new?

Chris Othic said...

There is a "hard" drive joke in here somewhere.

Which leads me to this point--why doesn't everybody just have two computers? One is for looking at porn (and getting viruses) and the other is for real internet stuff like paying bills, reading blogs, and emailing and such.

And the porn one would have the better monitor.

Somebody should market that: the low cost porn viewing computer.