Saturday, December 5, 2009

Not Going Rogue

There has been a lot of talk about Sarah Palin's Going Rogue: An American Life. Many blogs (including mine) have shared some of the ridiculous things Alaska's former Governor wrote. Today, I present a few things she did not write. The following quotations are fabricated. Not true. Bullshit.

"John McCain chose me as his running mate because of my extensive knowledge of foreign affairs."

"The 2008 campaign was nothing but delightful."

"When I found out that my son would be born with Down Syndrome, I took comfort in Mark Paul Gosselaar's performance in The Princess & the Marine."

"I enjoy learning."

"Vegan is the way to go."

"Hysterectomies are patriotic."

"Cindy McCain gave me her recipe for pumpkin pie, but I was really confused by its lack of caribou."

"Americans deserve universal health care, a clean environment, and fair monetary policy."

"Hooray for boobies!"

"Right before the debate, I caught Joe Biden sucking off Max Baucus. I swear! He was slurping down that senatorial jizz like it was a refreshing Horchata on a hot summer day."

"As John Stuart Mill once said, 'Ain't no party like northern slope party cause a northern slope party don't stop.'"

"John Wayne Bobbit is my hero."

"That Mrs. Gruber's Ding-Dang thing was hilarious. I especially liked that skit that endorsed creationism."

"Holy shit! Have you seen Todd Palin's cock? It's a fucking boa constrictor. Seriously, it's dangerous. It will coil itself around you and squeeze the life right out of you. Luckily, my vagina is a trained herpetologist."

1 comment:

Joe Janes said...

Pumpkin pie is not funny. Clearly, you do not know anything about this painful dessert.