Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Chris Makes The Call

In the wake of New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick’s call to go for a first down from his own 30-yard line with 2:08 remaining in Sunday’s game against Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts, and the ensuing dissection of his call (you can read about it here and here and here and here and argue about it yourself right here), I have decided to go back to my college years and break down some of my own calls in big spots in my life. Feel free to agree or disagree with my assessment in the comments section, or share some of your own big calls.


In the Spring of 1991, Chris and his buddies bought a couple cases of beer and as a joke, a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. Later that same night, after all the beer was gone, Chris and his buddies were faced with a decision: Should they crack open the Mad Dog?

Let’s break it down:

Pros: By cracking open the Dog, Chris would ensure that the party would keep going. Everyone would get rowdier and drunker, and they would have the “I drank Mad Dog last night” excuse to fall back on if things went crazy.

Cons: Purple lips.

The Call: Chris went for it, but his buddies declined. They left shortly thereafter and Chris was forced to drink the Mad Dog all by himself. He made a couple of booty calls, but was rejected. When it was all said and done, all Chris had to show for the night was purple lips and a raging hangover.

The Verdict: BAD CALL!


In the winter of 1996, in the second year of Graduate School, Chris found himself in an intriguing position. He had found himself very drunk and with a slightly rotund, two-tone haired, even drunker female (of questionable morals). Alone with her in his apartment, he had to make the call: should he invite her to his bedroom?

Let’s break it down:

Pros: By inviting her to the bedroom, he was sure to end a scoreless streak that had extended into almost double-digit months. Also to consider is that no one saw them leave the party together, and there was a good chance no one would find out. He also had the “I was really drunk” excuse to fall back on.

Cons: Even for Chris, he was reaching down a level on the attractiveness ladder. Also, this chick showed some early warning signs of being absolutely CRAZY. He would also have to see her on a daily basis, however things went down.

The Call: Chris went for it. He invited her to his bedroom, turned off the lights and scored against an easy defense. In the end, she was CRAZY and all of his friends did find out about it. He had to deal with some good natured ribbing, and he was somewhat shunned by some of the more attractive girls in his circle for a while. He saw her in the hallways and class nearly every day. His scoreless streak did come to an end, though, and he went on to put up some pretty decent numbers over the next semester.

The Verdict: GOOD CALL!


In the spring of 1997, Chris found himself in another intriguing position—with the same girl. Alone in her apartment, he had to make the call: should he leave immediately or accompany her to her bedroom?

Let’s break it down:

Pros: There would be sex. Maybe no one would find out.

Cons: She was already verified as boil your pet rabbit CRAZY, he had already told everyone he would never do this again, and the other more attractive girls were just starting to warm back up to him. She had home field advantage.

The Call: Chris called a time out and decided to put up a prevent defense by telling her he had a paper due in the morning. She convinced him to have “one more” beer, however, and he fumbled when she took off her bra. Before he knew it, she was in the red zone, and scored against him on an end around. She even went for two and got it. No one ever found out, though, so the game was never considered to be official and did not go against his record.

The Verdict: GOOD CALL!


In the Summer of 1997, Chris found himself in another intriguing position—he was at a party with the same girl AND a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. he was once again faced with making the call: should he go for a triple play in the coat room at the party?

Let’s break it down:

Pros: Sex in the coatroom.

Cons: Everyone would find out. Purple lips.

The Call: Chris swigged from his trusty bottle of Mad Dog and decided to go for it. She tried to ice the puck but he offered her some Mad Dog and shortly thereafter scored the hat trick while racking up a few penalties of his own. He and his Mad Girl eventually returned to the party each sporting purple lips. Everyone found out what happened in the coat room and he was sent to the penalty box for what was the beginning of another long scoreless streak. The play became legendary among his friends and they will buy him Mad Dog any time he wants it. The girl moved away and became a model. Chris recovered and went on to have a successful career with the ladies until his retirement in 2001.

The Verdict: GOOD CALL!


Crump said...

The Fumble - "she was in the red zone". Does that mean what I think it means?

Chris Othic said...

Come on, I wrote Fuck Box. What other meaning could there be?