Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Chris Othic's Very Short Interview With Amy Adams

(Amy Adams, looking rather cute and energetic, sits down in an undisclosed Starbucks to talk with RvD’s own Chris Othic about her career and what it’s like to be so damn cute.)

Amy Adams: Hello.

Chris Othic: Hello to you! I’m glad to finally meet you. I loved, loved, loved you in Enchanted. Even though you really look like the Little Mermaid.

AA: I get that a lot.

CO: Seriously, I brought a seashell bra I want you to try on later.

AA: You’re so funny.

CO: Thanks! No one ever says that enough. Actually, no one ever says that at all. Check it out: You’re initials are AA!

AA: That’s true.

CO: You know, like Alcoholics Anonymous! Isn’t that funny?

AA: I guess.

CO: I mean, you have to admit, it’s kind of funny, because while I’m here interviewing you I should be at my AA meeting, but I told my sponsor I was going to check out AA--but I really meant Amy Adams!

(AA titters)

CO: You just tittered!

AA: I know! I do that.

CO: That’s definitely a “cute” behavior. Tittering.

AA: Well, cute is my thing, you know.

CO: Definitely. You’re no Megan Fox.

AA: Excuse me?

CO: I mean, she’s really sexy and you’re, you know, girl next door cute type. You’re a little sexy, though. You’re “scute.”

AA: I’m what?

CO: Scute. It’s a little word I made up.

AA: It sounds like a disease, maybe?

CO: No, it’s scute. Sexy and cute. Like, in the way that the Little Mermaid is sexy and cute. Maybe it should be “cutexy.” Doesn’t really have a ring to it, though.

AA: Yeah, scute is a little better, I guess.

CO: I saw in your profile that you were on Charmed back in 2000. Did you by chance ever get in a pillow fight with Alyssa Milano?

AA: Actually, yes! Me and all the witches got in a huge pillow fight!

CO: Seriously! Oh my god!

AA: No. Just kidding.

CO: Aww, damn! (he suddenly reaches under the table)

AA: What? What are you doing?

CO: I got a little excited picturing you and Alyssa Milano pillow fighting. Can I borrow that napkin?

AA: Ewww!

CO: I spilled my tea. (dabbing at his crotch)

AA: Oh, I thought it was . . .

CO: It’s tea, okay. Tea. (dabbing at his crotch)

AA: Um, sorry, it’s just, we didn’t order any drinks yet.

CO: Please don’t judge me. It’s a medical condition.

AA: I’m, uh, I’m so sorry.

CO: Don’t mention it. Now then, you’ve been in three movies with Meryl Streep! Isn’t she annoying!

AA: Um, no.

CO: I mean, always talking with the accents and stuff?

AA: She talks normal, most of the time.

CO: I loved her in Doubt when she talked like Christopher Walken.

AA: You mean her Brooklyn accent?

CO: No. No. She was doing a Walken impression, I’m pretty sure. You don’t know much about acting, do you?

AA: I don’t think--

CO: Hey, on the set, would she do that Walken speech from Pulp Fiction? (doing Walken) “I carried this hunk of metal . . . up my . . . ass . . .” Hey, I’m pretty good! It’s all about the pausing.

AA: That was the worst Walken impression ever.

CO: You’re sooo scute! I must say, I loved you and Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. Well, she was kind of a bitch but you, you were great in that movie.

AA: Thanks, but . . . I think you’re talking about Anne Hathaway.

CO: Oh yeah! She’s great, isn’t she. Did you see her breasts in Brokeback Mountain? Surprisingly nice.

AA: I saw that movie but didn’t really notice . . .

CO: You can also see them in Havoc. Let me pull up the internet here and I’ll show you a still from Mr. Skin.

AA: That’s not necessary, really.

CO: It will just take a sec. (he fumbles with his laptop) It’s loading now, hang on.

AA: Who are you with again?

CO: The Robot vs. Dinosaur blog.

AA: How did you arrange this interview?

CO: I did a fake interview with Megan Fox once. You’re people must have liked it.

AA: I can’t imagine. Look, this interview isn’t really going anywhere and . . .

CO: How about you put on the seashell bra? That might liven things up. (starts to pull it out of a bag)

AA: You really have one? I thought you were joking?

CO: I never joke about the Little Mermaid.

AA: I really--I have to go. (she stands)

CO: I hope it’s your size. I made it from the smallest shells I could find.

AA: You made it yourself? Really, I’m leaving now. (she starts to walk away)

CO: Wait, Mr. Skin is up! Here, here is a naked picture of you!

AA: That’s Anne Hathaway, asshole!

(Amy is sprinting now.)

CO: Which one of you was in that Princess Diary movie?

(Amy is gone. Chris looks at the picture for a moment.)

CO: (to himself) Hmmmm, Anne Hathaway. I wonder . . .

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