The Super Bowl Is The One With All The Beer Commercials, Right?

The following is a list, in no particular order, of lessons learned from watching Super Bowl commercials.

• Lesson the first: dogs attacking human beings is the new 'it thing' for commericals. It happened a couple of times throughout the night, most notably when a dog removed his shock collar and put it around his master's neck so that he could eat some Doritos.
• Lesson the second: the Doritos people are kind of twisted. Not only did a dog shock the hell out of a poor defenseless dude, but they also had a commercial where a guy fakes his own death so that he could be buried in a casket filled with Doritos and then just eat and eat and eat until... I don't know what. The logistics made no sense, and the commercial was just kind of creepy.
• Lesson the third: Doritos and Hyundai really want to you buy their product. Like, many many commercials worth of want. They want you to buy so much that they don't even care if the commercials are any good.
• Lesson the fourth: I think the e-trade baby has finally run it's course. It's gone from kinda funny and cute to 'Oh, it's another e-trade baby commercial. Meh.' They had better find something new soon or risk running into Geiko territory, where everything is run into the ground.
• Lesson the fifth: Tim Tebow. Don't like 'em. Even when he's just light heartedly tackling his mom (hey, football fans, quarterbacks don't tackle people, yah?) he still irritates the hell out of me.
• Lesson the sixth: seriously, not a Tebow fan.
• Lesson the seventh: split pea soup is delicious. This has nothing to do with the Super Bowl. I'm just eating some now while I type and it's delicious.
• Lesson the eighth: rodents and small varmint animals = COMEDY! I wish I had known; I might have skipped the writing classes and gone straight to animal training.
• Lesson the ninth: the tire commercial where the guys fling a whale into the ocean out of the back of their car was probably my favorite commercial.
• Lesson the tenth: David Letterman, Jay Leno and Oprah? Whyfor? Anyone?
• Lesson the eleventh: nudity and no pants = COMEDY!
• Lesson the twelfth: Brett Faver's Super Bowl 2020 commercial will seem less funny when it's 2020 and he's still playing

Thanks, advertising! I feel learn'ed now!