The constant struggle

I was watching shows about ancient Egypt on the History channel all morning while drifting in and out of sleep. The fancy professors and book writers kept going on and on about the greatness of this and the sheer magnitude of that and look at all they accomplished and this pharaoh was 6 years old when he took power and then his mother stepped in and since she couldn't actually rule because she wasn't a man she simply changed her figure to be more mannish and wore the fake beard of Egypt and they were architectural maniacs with horribly simply tools and elaborate and golden and jewel encrusted and making up hieroglyphics and what not. As I was laying there drifting in and out of sleep watching this I started feeling really bad about the fact that I can barely get myself out of bed before 1:00pm everyday.

I feel really let down, both in myself and how the country has progressed. Where is the spark? I need, and I'm assuming many others need, the spark. So many things to complain about in America but so many luxuries we don't want to potentially sacrifice which keep us subdued. Where is our breaking point? I have little to no drive at all at this point. I don't know what is going to get me moving either.

I have brief moments of progress, and then I just slip back into the laziness. Lazy, lazy, lazy. And both the country and myself allow me to be lazy. So much time wasting junk floating about. I certainly don't have to work for my food or anything. Right now the government gives me money and I just go buy food. Maybe if I had to harvest it. Perhaps I should move to a warmer climate and start farming. Maybe I should get rid of all my electronics and TV and games and junk and just live off the land like the old times. But how will I ever know how Bob Saget met his childrens' mother? So you see my dilemma. Of course my wife wouldn't come with me to live off the land either, and that is actually an important thing. Knowing how "How I Met Your Mother" ends is not important, but it feels like it is. That is a big problem - so many things that feel like they are important even though they are so far from important it's practically immeasurable.

So that is why I am calling on all true atheists to start fucking shit up. If you truly believe that there is no God of any kind (which I do not agree with myself), and that there is no higher power of any kind and we are just these fleeting creatures that live and die for no discernible reason then start fucking some shit up. There are no real consequences to your actions. No matter what you do in the end you will simply die and anything you did while alive will not matter at all to you because at the moment you die you will instantly forget everything you ever did. So any guilt or remorse or pain or love or anything else you felt will be gone forever. "But what about courts and going to jail and stuff?" Who cares? If you're doing things right you'll be going out in a blaze of glory anyway. "But I don't want to be mean to others and what if I go crazy and hurt someone?" Well you shouldn't really care, because as soon as that other person dies, the one you hurt, all of there feelings and thoughts and everything else will immediately go away. They won't know that they had a horrible life because of you. They won't know anything at that point. So why does it matter what happens to you or me or them or us now while we are alive? If there is truly nothing after we die then it just doesn't matter at all what you do while you are alive. Like I said - all of the pain, remorse, guilt, love, joy, sadness, pleasure, everything would just vanish. Nothing you did would matter and nothing you did to others would matter because as soon as you die all of your reference points go away. As soon as the other person dies all of there reference points go away. And without reference points we really don't have anything to go on.

Why you wouldn't believe in some higher power is a little beyond my reach to be honest. If there is nothing on the other side then what the fuck am I working towards? "But you want the world to be good for your children and the rest of the world and live together in peace and harmony and forge and ahead and stuff. It's the little battles every day that get us through." Honestly, if there is nothing at the end; If there is nothing to work towards I'd almost rather sit in my home with all my little luxuries I have acquired and just not deal with the outside world and slowly fatten up and fade away. But then who would fill the void left behind by the sudden lack of dick jokes? Plus I really love my wife and my dog. Sorry world, looks like you're stuck with me.