Saturday, April 11, 2009

A Tip for Writers

You've come up with a fantastic premise, great characters, and dialogue that rivals Shakespeare's, but you can't figure out how to end the damn thing. Ending a piece is perhaps the most difficult part of writing. Many a hair has been pulled, many a bottle of scotch has been emptied, many a nanny has been savagely made love to because of the frustration of conjuring a cogent coda.

Worry no more, my friends! I have solved the vexing vat of something beginning with"v." My technique is called "...And Then the World Blew Up and Everybody Died." I call it that because, at the end of the story, the world blows up and everybody dies. It's an all-purpose ending, perfect for any occasion. Frank and Matilda have gotten back together after a ten-year separation - what is the perfect end-line that encapsulates both the ecstasy of renewed possibility and the agony of missed opportunity? We will never know because Hayley's Comet slammed into the Caribbean Sea and then the world blew up and everybody died.

What's that feeling? It's the satisfaction of the perfect resolution. Try my technique the next time you get stuck on en ending. I guarantee success. Hey, it worked for the Bible!

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