As we are just beginning to post regularly on this blog, and there are a whole gang of us, I thought I would take a moment to introduce the writers of Robot vs. Dinosaur to you. So here they are below, in alphabetical and/or order of (take your pick) importance, intelligence, level of humor, penis/vagina length or monetary worth:
Mike Bauman - Mike is our short sketch expert who apparently receives only two television channels at his home, both of which are broadcasts from 1962. Mike and Geoff both hail from Buffalo, New York, as they drink shitty Canadian beer and seem to be proud of this fact (that they are from Buffalo, not that they drink shitty Canadian beer). Virtually every Bauman sketch can be rewritten to include references to According to Jim.
Geoff Crump - Easily the most twisted member of the group, and by a wide (right) margin. He and Nat were apparently linked before birth by a strange astral penis that they shared. He is the diametric opposite of Chris, to the point that if they ever occupied the same temporal space at the same point in time, it would result in an explosion that Geoff and Chris would argue endlessly about whether said explosion was funny (Geoff) or not funny (Chris).
Joe Janes - The Artistic Director and master mind of RvD. The Charlie to our Angels. Joe brought us all together (most of us are leftovers from the former Teatro Bastardo), nurtured us and fed us with his mind milk. He claims to have an Emmy somewhere, but we are starting to think that this was not an award, but rather a Girl Scout that he has locked in a basement somewhere. He obviously wrote a lot of stuff in the 1980’s that has never been seen, because he frequently brings it to our writers' meetings and says “Here’s something I wrote back in the 1980’s that has never been seen.”
Joe Linstroth - Joe is our writer in absentia who is currently off getting educated. He is known for writing long, languid sketches that linger with luxurious language. In other words, incredibly lurid stuff. And by lurid I mean gay. Joe is responsible for writing the single, absolutely gayest sketch in history complete with men gently caressing each other while pouring flowery speeches from their handsome lips. He can also write a mean dick joke.
Nat Topping - Nat is a bear of man. Legend has it he possesses an incredibly large penis that has mythical properties and he always finds a way to make this a relevant point in every conversation he ever has. He will on occasion even pull out this magically improvised schlong and reel it back in like a fisherman, usually to the delight of the other writers in the room. He once wrote a 14-page sketch that featured a man having sex with a tree, yet he judges others for writing scenes that features men having sex with more conventional items, like robots. He has a magnificent beard.
Catherine Monahan - Our newest and most female member. At some point last year, we decided we needed more hormones in the room, hormones that didn’t smell like beer farts. So we went to the lady store and got Catherine. She has not disappointed us. We are excited and mystified by this feminine creature, who we hope will help us think of new and more delicate ways to write better dick jokes.
Chris Othic - Possibly the most brilliant (and humble) writer in the group. He is also the organizer, mother and oftentimes whipping boy for the gang. He is known mostly for his undying love of all things Enya, providing pitchers of lemony water for writers’ meetings and giving the same writing notes no matter what the scene (too long, cut the first page, no page numbers, needs a staple). Legend has it he was a former member of the Missouri Army National Guard, but turned his back on his country when the Cold War ended because he had no place in a brave new world without a clearly defined enemy.
Greg Wendling - Greg is easily the nicest member of the group, and its most gentle lover. He generally starts out every scene with the line “Dad, I need a hug,” and somehow this is not a liability. In some alternate reality, Greg and Chris are writing jokes in a room while dangling about in a sex swing and Geoff and Nat are mocking them while eating candied almonds from a paper cone. Greg could take that last sentence and write a comic ballad about it that would make you weep with joy.