Chris, Yeah, He's Forty

Wow, I started to write the most boring blog post ever about my birthday celebration. Instead, here is a list of everything I did over the past few days, going back as far as Saturday, October 3rd, when my celebrating began.

• Saturday, went to suburbs, ate GIANT steak and drank my in-laws beer
• Sunday, had heartburn from GIANT steak and hangover from in-laws beer
• Monday, went to work
• Tuesday, had heartburn from work
• Tuesday night, ate another GIANT steak, compliments of Elizabeth Drury
• After dinner, drank too much, compliments of Elizabeth Drury
• Wednesday morning, cursed Elizabeth Drury's name while I was at work
• Thursday, took the day off--from drinking
• Friday, took the day off--from work
• Friday night, ate GIANT slab of ribs, compliments of Mike Malone
• Friday night, drank waaay to much, compliments of Mike Malone
• Late late Friday night, continued drinking waay too much, compliments of Mike Malone
• Saturday morning (actual birthday), cursed Mike Malone's name while having heartburn from GIANT slab of ribs
• Went to 8 a.m. RvD rehearsal, tried to hide the fact that I was hungover (possibly still drunk)
• Noon, slept, like and old man should
• 3:30, played kickball, lost 1-0 to Crump's team
• 5:00, cursed Crump's name because he was kickball MVP, instead of me
• 6 p.m., continued drinking at Vines with friends
• 8 p.m., salivated over moisty, fudgy cake made by my friend Mamata (http://www.pomegranate-cafe.com/id1.html)
• 10 p.m., actually home and having a nice jacuzzi tub with a scented candle, because apparently when I turned 40 I also turned into a woman
• Sunday, 6 a.m., woke up for 9 a.m. surprise flight to Kansas City, probably cursed someone (but not my wife)
• Noon, watched Chiefs game with my pals Willie, Daryl, Dave, Rodney, Ralph, and my brothers Jeff and Danny.
• 3:30, cursed the Chiefs for sucking
• 6 p.m., went to see my nephew Luke's pee wee football game
• 6:30, realized my nephew's pee wee football team was better than the Chiefs
• 8 p.m., cake and ice cream with my nephew (and birthday buddy) Quade
• 9 p.m., mad at Quade for getting more presents than me
• 9:30, teaching nieces and nephews innappropriate behavior
• Monday morning, rush down to visit parents in my home town
• Visit my grandmother, who gives me $12 for my birthday, then finds a $20, which she trades me for
• Mad at grandma for not offering me a frozen candy bar like all the other grandkids get every time they visit her
• 3:30, Late lunch with my pal, Doug (Willie) and his boy, Hunter
• 4:30, teaching Hunter inappropriate behavior
• Fly home, make Mary mad by saying "brace for landing" right before we land
• Tuesday morning, wake up, dread return to work the next day
• See "Couples Retreat" and want those two hours back
• Spend time thinking about how incredibly hot the women in "Couples Retreat" were, but still want those two hours back
• 9 p.m., go to Metro for Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter with my pal, Dan Belshaw
• Drink too much with my pal, Dan Belshaw
• Wednesday, 7:30 a.m., curse the name Dan Belshaw
• Arrive at work, and find rum cake made by my cube neighbor, Loree McKinney, as well as specially made 40 year old beers on my desk
• Eat rum cake, realize I forgot to quit drinking
• Finally come to terms with the fact that I am now 40, and get over myself
• Write boring blog post about the experience