Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Chris Is Turning 40

I am turning 40 this Saturday. Any time you reach a milestone age (what is it with humans and numbers divisible by 10?) it does make you stop and think about stuff, like life and your place in the universe and how much you used to pay for a bottle of soda (25 cents).

“Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.” - Helen Rowland (English-American writer, 1876-1950)

I wonder if 40 is the halfway point? Will I only live to be 80 years old? Will my liver hold out that long? I think I might make it past 80, because I have yet to have a midlife crisis, which of course will let you know when you reach your midlife.

“At the age of 20, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn’t thinking of us at all.” - Unknown

In other words, I’m a 40 year old legal secretary who writes comedy, and I’m not really sure that anybody sees it. The average show I’m involved in draws an audience of maybe 200-300 spectators. Multiply that by the number of shows I’ve done and at best my message is probably reaching only about .0000000000000001 percent of the world (estimate). I don’t even know if anyone reads this blog.

“Forty isn’t old, if you’re a tree.” - Unknown

I am not a tree. I am a fragile human being. Don’t get me wrong. I think I am a young 40. I watch the MTV Music Awards every year. I literally run inside my house when going from the living room to the kitchen during commercials. And I still want sex more than I can get it. But I hurt my ankle a month ago and it still hurts, and if I drink more than three beers on any given night I have a headache the next day. I think that is a sign of old age.

“What most persons consider as virtue, after the age of 40 is simply a loss of energy” - Voltaire

Okay, so I still want sex more than I can get it, but there have been times when I could have had it but I didn’t want it. That would have never happened in my 20’s.

“The “I just woke up” face of your 30’s is the “all day long” face of your 40’s” - Libby Reid

I have been losing my hair since I turned 21. I have crows feet around my eyes that are so deep crows could actually build nests in them. My belly button used to be an outie and now it’s an innie. Just the other day I drank too much, slept funny, and woke up with some strange spots on my face. I don’t think it’s cancer, but who knows?

“The best years of a woman’s life - the ten years between 39 and 40” - Unknown

Okay, I’m not a woman so I thought this was pretty funny.

“At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment.” - Benjamin Franklin

Ah, wisdom. Now we can consider the good stuff--the benefits of old age. I do believe I am a lot better at making decisions now. Like, when I go for that third beer, I know it will be the last one, and if it’s not, I will have at least a total of eight, and possibly ten or twelve. That’s just good judgment. Like it’s also good judgment to end this blog post right now. Happy Birthday, to me.


Gamer18548 said...

I read this blog, so there's that! And 200-300 in an audience? Holy sh*t! I'm fortunate to have 20-30! Rock on with the b'day! And this blog rocks - keep it comin!

GW said...

Thanks for trying to cheer Chris up, Gamer18548, but for some perspective, I haven't read a thing Chris has written and I'm in a writing group with him.